classy.

b: i read in an etiquette book that a gentleman should get in the cab first and scootch over - you know, so the lady doesn't have to scootch over in a dress.
j: haha, yeah, but what if the guy leaves before the girl gets in?
b: well, then you know he's just not that into you.
everyone: [general merriment]
cab driver: you laugh, but that actually happens...

NICE. [i also like to preface things like this with, "if you're into gender roles..."]

at a recent fancypants dinner, i ordered a gin gimlet, which is delicious and very, very classy. then a guy in our group [who hadn't heard my order] said, "you know what drink is classy? the gimlet." i was like, yessss. fooled them again.

i've mentioned before that it's weird to read articles about things we do - including this one that calls us all out on our facebook habit.

you all know, though, that i ALWAYS agree with the pope. okay, not really, but i like to hear him out - especially this time. sure, facebook's not the best, but i think it's a representation of something good [our desire for human community] and not something bad [gossip, or whatever]. like any form of communication or community, it has a light and a dark side. right?

on the oscars:
i love marisa tomei's dress and amy adams' necklace.
cried a little at shirley maclain's intro of anne hathaway. what is WITH these intros? they're so sweet and heartfelt. i notice, for the first time this year, how much these people consider each other a community. i love how anne cried, and how happy she was when kate winslet won. she is a classy, classy girl. [betcha she drinks gimlets.]

"well, it's not a shampoo bottle now!" - kate winslet. omg, and getting her dad to whistle from the audience. [this is a little bit of a liveblog.]
sean penn DOES lose himself in every role. it's so true!

"in the he said, she said sometimes there's some poetry..."

"I didn't join Facebook, after all, to be anonymous, incurious or left alone." you know how i feel about the article that starts snarky and becomes poignant. yeah. it's something like blogging, too. or twittering. it's like, people are kind of scornful and all, "why would you want to read someone's random thoughts and activites?" but it's kind of beautiful, in the end, to see into people's lives. [i know, i know. sometimes.]

also, this:
b: anything happen while i was gone, except things on the internet?
k: hahaha, SO much on the internet! but not much else.

and also: "When you get out front with the "meta" what's left to say??" [says a commenter.]

today i got a good laugh by saying, "i will now use something a student said to tell a funny, poignant story with a point." do i do that too much?

saw he's just not that into you last night. didn't like it as much as i thought i would. everyone was very cute and mostly very funny. [except jennifer aniston was NOT rachel green. i thought i loved jen. i think i just love rachel.] i appreciated how some women were not that into men, too, and all this advice stuff happened, and some people ended up in relationships and some didn't. but i feel like it wasn't really long enough for all the stories they tried to put into it, and then it wrapped up really fast. so obviously it seemed unrealistic when people fell in and out of love in like thirty seconds.

but here's my real problem - TWO of the previews before the movie were about crazy obsessive women. i was not amused. one is with sandra bullock, and it's one of those "sandra bullock is awkward" movies, i guess? only she, like, follows this guy she's met once all across the country. then he finds out she's some kind of free spirit. i mean, an OBSESSIVE free spirit. and one is called "obsession" and is about this girl who's all going after her boss and then all this weird shit happens and it gets super, super scary.

the word of the day!!

had the most amazing conversation the other day.

c: i love that bus! it stops right in front of this amazing shoe repair place.
s: why would you get shoes repaired? just get new ones.
b: actually! in this economy,* business is booming for shoe repair places. i saw it on the news. [pause] and i'm really glad we're having this conversation, because i wasn't sure when i was going to use that information...

now, some of you may know that i kind of hate the local news. i seriously saw a story recently that used the teaser, "mp3 players may be good for your health! stay tuned." and the story was about how people work out for longer when they listen to music. HONESTLY. this is not NEWS. but i watched it anyway, because i thought it was going to be something NEW and AWESOME. and that's what i hate about the local news.

but! i do remember, from when i was living in middle middle america, that i had a hard time following conversations if i hadn't watched the news. and i certainly used the local news in conversation this weekend. so here's my question - is the cultural zeitgeist** [so to speak] determined by the news, or is it the other way around?

* bonus points for using "in this economy" in every conversation. try it. you'll be amazed at how relevant it seems. i mean, it's certainly relevant in the local news.
** "zeitgeist" is the word of the day.

"so you agree? you think you're really pretty?"

really liked this jezebel post about how to respond to a compliment. i, personally, prefer the enthusiastic thank you with unnecessary details. por ejemplo, in a recent conversation about my new earrings - "THANKS! they were a dollar. at the target dollar spot! you know, right when you walk in the door? i bet they're still there. you should TOTALLY GET THEM."

i once had a conversation with a guy about sports. i mean, about talking about sports. i don't remember what the conversation was about initially, but i suspect that i was worried about guys who don't like sports. especially in the particular corner of middle america where i was living at the time - how must that feel when someone mentions a sports statistic or piece of news that you're totally supposed to know, and you can't respond? girls tend to be able to laugh it off. you know. double standard.

but anyway, the guy i was talking to said that talking about sports is a polite way to guys to make conversation. like talking about the weather. [as my brother would say,] oh yeah? and women talk about their respective appearances?

i bring up the gender issue because it's in the article - and in several very interesting comments. i recommend.

--

have you ever noticed how much "bullish" looks like "bullshit"? as in, "The titans of corporate America were glorified on the covers of Forbes, “trickle down” economics justified obscene wealth, and a bullshit Wall Street gave even working stiffs a piece of the action." i was like, whoa, catholics in alliance for the common good blog. wild.

i got two amaaaaazing voicemails in the past two days.
1. "i'm just calling because right now... i'm watching a movie about the font, helvetica?"
2. "i think of you whenever i hear this band... hang on, i don't know the words... YOU CAN'T COUNT ON ME."
it's almost like my interests are predictable. fonts and counting crows, guys. that's what i like.

twice, writing this post, i've tried to link to previous posts that don't exist. one's about the movie helvetica and the nytimes article about obama's "change" font. [well, here's part of it, actually.] the other is about the time a stranger asked to kiss my shoe. stay tuned.

this blog post will change your life.

i had a conversation the other night in which one of my friends alluded to a comment one of HER friends made that changed her life. she very earnestly [see below] told me that it actually changed her life. i, of course, believed her.

the comment was something like, "our generation doesn't value the internal life." we're always into telling people everything we do and constructing a whole narrative [and you know how i love narrative] - but where's our reflection? or prayer, even?

i like this for two reasons:
1. the "secular ways to talk about the faith business" thing. i'd tell very few people that they'd be happier if they thought more about their prayer life, but i'd talk to a lot of people about their INNER life. like, are you taking time for yourself? do you feel like you never relax? is something bothering you, and you don't know what it is? and i'm not saying religion is the answer, but i wonder if we're wired to require some kind of... well, something more. something that makes us different than the worker bees.
2. as an over-sharer, i'm sensitive to the value of not sharing some things. if they're really important.

then, i had another life-changing conversation.

h: i always think it's so weird when i'm drunk at a bar and someone asks what i do - and i talk about working with kids.
b: try being a religion teacher. that's always a fun conversation to have with a stranger...
j: but i think that's just part of being our age, you know? trying to balance having a career with still trying to have fun and be young.

and we moved on to talk about how much people should talk about their weekend activities at work. but, how awesome is that? yes, bar conversations as a metaphor for being a 20-something and feeling like you're living a double life. well, two or more lives. i mean, that's one of the reasons i started this blog. [and maybe it ties in with the "inner life" thing more than i thought.] because, if i can't talk about the things that are important to me, how important are they? and, if i can't talk about my job at the bar, why am i in that job? [or, of course, why am i going to the bar?] let me be as authentic as i can be. yes.

then, i had another one.

m: can we blame society when we respond to sincere emotion with snark?
b: YES. please always feel free to do things WITHOUT IRONY.
m: someone once told me i was "earnest" and i didn't know what to do with that.
b: i think that's a huuuuuge compliment.

and i do. [someone once told me that something i did was "endearing." i liked that, too, and consider it somehow related.] but you know, when you have a moment of earnestness with someone, where they lean over and say something real and serious and important to you - that's what i'm talking about.

and the opposite of that, well - while i'm ethically opposed to [or, i guess, offended by] stuff white people like, i often think about the entry on irony.

Also, you might find yourself in conversation where you mention that you like something and there is an awkward silence indicating that it is not cool. In this situation, you must say “oh yeah, I also like [insert similar things]” and smile, the white people will laugh and all will be well.

again, one of those things that always sticks with me. maybe because i've spent a lot of time worrying about how to be ironic. or, you know, asking my friends whether other people were being ironic. [because you just have to KNOW.] and all along, i think, i'd rather be earnest.

oh, and my current favorite life-changing conversation? i was upset about something, and one of my favorite slightly older friends just said, "your 20s are really hard! i remember being really confused the whole time." i was like, THANK YOU. that's just what i needed.

on a related note, may i interest you in a few songs. and in seeqpod, where you can search for songs and embed them! i got this recommendation ["like youtube for songs"] in a christmas letter.

first, as always, i thank the lord for the people i have found...

[later ed: apparently seeqpod is now defunct. you'll have to provide your own elton.]

and, "fill it up again" by the indigo girls. from a relatively recent album. and ROCKIN, especially for the new year. the new road is an old friend...

[later ed: guys, when the album all that we let in came out, i was very "this is my LIFE" about it. kind of still am.]

so what i'm saying is, get the whole song. right now.

generational feminism.

i know, i know, i'm all posting-insane lately. but lots of stuff has happened! and i'd rather not grade my students' essays on human suffering! [really.]

this 23-year-old feminist just died - and her stuff's everywhere lately, and awesome.

Most young women said that their first strong role model was their mother, whether she was feminist or not. If not their mother, it was a teacher, an artist, a musician, but always a tangible woman who made strength and creativity seem possible.

this is the experience of feminism, not the word - and she points out that many younger women reject the label of, for example, "feminist artist" while still exploring gender in non-traditional ways. it's a very cool article. she seems cool. sad.

and, a related memory - my female, older-generation relatives telling me that a vote for obama in the primary would be throwing away everything they worked for. wait. i thought feminists worked for our freedom to choose. the best candidate. despite gender. right?

oh! thoughts on being "home."

i had a gchat recently in which i asked a friend how it feels to be "home" - that is, back at her apartment, with her job and roommates and real life. but i'd asked the same thing a week ago, when i asked her how it felt to be "home" at her parents' house.

hard to say which is which.

at a family and friends gathering, a group of college-y and post-college people started a game of circle of death - a game that i, many of you, and the cashier at a local convenience store all know. it's the game where you pick a card and have to do something, based on the card. and one of the most difficult cards, for everyone, is the one that makes you create a rule for everyone. this group already had to wipe their mouths before they drank, i think. and they weren't allowed to say anyone's name. or whatever.

t: okay, what should the new rule be?
g: oh, here's one my roommate thought up. after every time you drink you have to say [as his mom walks into the room with a plate of cookies] "bitch tits motherfucker."
hm: [speechless, with cookies]

it was one of those moments in which we all COULD have, maybe, warned him that his mom has just come down the stairs. [into the basement, of course. remember the basement, that land of iniquity and secrets?] but it was too close, and happened too fast, and turned out to be too darn funny...

"it's jimmy 'santa' clausen and golden 'frankincense and myrrh' tate..."

watching the game, playing around on my laptop [three laptops and four family members in here], waiting for brother to get home from the base so christmas can start...

--

if you've got some time, i'm kind of into this new yorker article about elevators. introduced to me, randomly in the middle of a gchat, with "this article is FASCINATING." i was like, really? but it IS.

In the old system—board elevator, press button—you have an illusion of control; elevator manufacturers have sought to trick the passengers into thinking they’re driving the conveyance. In most elevators, at least in any built or installed since the early nineties, the door-close button doesn’t work. It is there mainly to make you think it works. (It does work if, say, a fireman needs to take control. But you need a key, and a fire, to do that.) Once you know this, it can be illuminating to watch people compulsively press the door-close button. That the door eventually closes reinforces their belief in the button’s power. It’s a little like prayer.

ohhhh. this is totally up my alley. i took a social psychology class once. i KNOW.

and now, an overview of my favorite and least favorite elevators.
1. the elevator in pip's old building. too fast. made me want to puke. thanks for moving, pip.
2. the elevator in the library in college also made me want to puke. not as much when i used to take it from the first to the second floor. WHAT? that was a really, really long staircase.
3. the elevator in my dorm in college. SO FREAKING SLOW. i moved to the top floor just so i could take it without guilt. [on rereading - does that make sense? we'd all glare at the non-top-floor girls who took the elevator, because it took forever to open and close.]
4. the adventure i had in the sears tower, trying to get to an office on the 60-somethingth floor. first, you have to get on the right elevator on the first floor. then, you have to take three different elevators. they're all around corners. you have to keep getting off one elevator and getting on another one. it's really difficult. possibly to keep the rifraff out?

on the moth podcast recently, there was a really sweet story on the moth podcast that involved an incident of making out in a stopped elevator, which stopped all the other elevators in the building and showed the maker-outers on elevator cam in the lobby. so awesome. [looked it up - the story is "what goes up," by katherine russell rich, and it was on the podcast on 12/01/08. and you can still get it! go!]

--

from slate, in my browsing tonight:
- have you all seen this guy, who writes about "bogus trends"? i feel like he's actually writing about, you know, bad writing. not checking your facts, using lots of generalizations - i'd like to use it in class, actually. [none of my reporter friends would ever write something like this.]
- a little action about the name of jesus. lots of talk about greek and aramaic and the difference between i, y, and j. nicely done.
- related to a previous post, from dear prudie - "According to sociologist Kathleen Bogle, author of Hooking Up, once people who've only hooked up graduate from college, they do start dating one person at a time, but since some have never even been on a single date, they're as clumsy at it as high-school freshmen." [she's giving advice on a girl who's been hooking up with a friend - should she tell him how she feels? should they stop hooking up? wow, what a new and interesting situation! BOGUS.]

--

and now, a heartwarming christmas story.

brother and i went out to get some groceries for tomorrow. discovered that all the grocery stores are closed here in middle america. hmmm. we needed ingredients to make appetizers. [oh no! a christmas crisis!] so we went to the convenience store and, just for you all, had an awkward conversation with the [female, 20-ish] cashier.

b: [checking out with hot dogs, pita chips, cream cheese, and sam adams] yeah, we're playing a game called "what real food can we make out of things we can buy here."
c: have you ever played the game circle of death? with drinking?
b: ... YES.
c: yeah. that's fun.

i had to pause a minute to collect my thoughts. i said something about the random food i was buying, and she asked me about a drinking game? that i might play later, with my sam adams? she wanted to suggest a drinking game i could play, while eating hot dogs with pita chips and cream cheese?

maybe she didn't understand the "we're playing a game called..." turn of phrase. do i use that too much? hmmm.

also, one of the other guys working there [they had way too many people working for christmas eve, i'll tell you what] let me try the difference between "egg nog" and "holiday nog." as far as i can tell, the difference is that the holiday nog tastes sort of like banana.

"Think of it as a one-night stand with someone you know."

hey, guys! we're famous. some interesting stuff in the new york times...

first, this one on how the delay in adulthood affects organized religion. [i found one of those "note to self: find this article" things on my computer recently, and hey, it's really interesting.]

Today, many young people spend more than a decade between high school and marriage “exploring life’s many options in unprecedented freedom.” And, it should be added, in great uncertainty.

and this one on how we don't date anymore.

Under the old model, you dated a few times and, if you really liked the person, you might consider having sex. Under the new model, you hook up a few times and, if you really like the person, you might consider going on a date.

it's weird to read about this stuff in the paper, hmm?

i was talking to my dad on the phone about how i bought myself a new ipod today [yellow! nano!] and felt kind of bad buying something big for myself at christmas. [even though i waited until my old one really, really died.] then he told me a story about one time in the eighties when they were all going to buy stuff for themselves for christmas, or something - and i was like, "wait, 'greed is good' was real? i thought it was just something people wrote about in the paper!"

it's almost like these columnists are really on to something.

cursing, acting cool. winning friends and influencing people.

written on the door of the bathroom at the bar last night, each line in different handwriting:

TRUST
issues
yes.
but it's ok.

nice, hmm? mutual support, in the ladies' room. i like it.

in contrast, written into the cement on the sidewalk on the way to my apartment from the train:

FUCK YOU
YOU FUCKING
FUCK.

i'm always like, well... if that's how you feel...

anyway, hadn't been to this particular bar since i started this post [quoted below]. and, coincidentally, just found it.

bitter, bitter debate at the bar this weekend over whether snuffleupagus is real or imaginary. turns out there's a whole story about how only big bird can see him and no one believes he exists [imaginary friend, guys!], but then big bird proves he's real after all. so i think i was RIGHT. that he's imaginary. ha.

impressed a stranger last night by ordering the dogfish head 90 minute IPA. thanks, beer club. you know how you always want to have those things that you can order, or listen to, or read, or casually drop in conversation so that people will think you're cool? YEAH, you do. don't lie.

things this makes me think of...
1. my favorite episode of friends ["the one with the embryos," which i've apparently already blogged about], the one where the girls lose the apartment in the trivia game with the boys.

ross: rachel claims that THIS is her favorite movie.
chandler: dangerous liasons.
ross: her ACTUAL favorite movie is...
joey: [points at rachel] weekend at bernie's!

2. my favorite band. and being called out for liking them. i don't even care. COUNTING CROWS RULE ALL.
3. the other day, at trader joe's, the checkout guy was all, "you listening to any good music?" because i was doing my new favorite thing where i put my headphones inside my scarf so they're conveniently close to my head, even when i'm not listening to them. and instead of being all cool and starting a conversation about something cool, i decided to tell the TRUTH. ah, the truth.

tjcg: you listening to any good music?
b: um... ahh... actually, the prairie home companion podcast... [shut up. it is FUNNY. and no, i am not 55 years old.]
tjcg: [all polite] oh, yeah? what is that?
b: it's like, garrison keillor... it's a radio show on npr... and he has, like, a funny monologue...
tjcg: isn't there a movie about it? what's the movie about, then?
b: [blanking] i think it's about... making the show, or something...

seriously, one of the MOST awkward conversations i've ever had. especially since i've SEEN the movie. and i can tell you that it's about the variety show "a prairie home companion," on npr. and the podcast is garrison keillor's "news from lake wobegon," in which he uses dry humor and makes fun of people who live in the northern midwest.

i think it was so awkward because i immediately wished i had lied. and said i was listening to... hmm. any ideas?

oh, irony. it's everywhere. right?

"that's okay. i was really just being ironic. or was i? no, i was."

anyone feel all demographicked? yup.

the mcsweeney's header is "timothy mcsweeney is a mystery wrapped in a riddle wrapped in bacon." yesss.

and speaking of things i like: “It makes people feel good, it increases their arousal and alertness, and makes them more friendly and sociable and talkative,” says Laura Juliano, an American University psychology professor, coffee researcher, and substance-dependence expert.