this has been a moment of grammar.

This is why it's important to watch your modifiers.

A rocket scientist with strong ties to the government security is found dead with his crotch on fire, and the SVU detectives must determine if that had something to do with his demise. (SVU Season 2 premiere, "Wrong Is Right")

Also in this episode, they arrest a "popular" and "good" kid (he's in a program to mentor kids with special needs, see) at school and they have to bring him through a crowd of kids and teachers, and the teacher goes, "This CAN'T be right. Not Michael."

Yeah, that's what school is like. I mean, I always think my kids are innocent and wonderful. But probably not enough to argue about it with the police, you know?

argyle thursday!

best part of being a teacher? wearing stuff like this. [that's not the real best part, but i'm just saying, guys.]

serious internet roundup. or not.

lexy: you slept with george?! [death glare from christina] oh, no talking unless it's medical.
[meredith walks away]
lexy: so, medically, meredith and george had... sexual... intercourse?

hahahaha. my students also like to say "intercourse" when they're trying to be polite and classy. as in, when they want to be class-appropriate. but when have i EVER used that word? seriously. and did everyone know that outercourse is a thing?

wait, no. this was supposed to be a things that happened on the internet roundup. let's see...
baseball commentary is sexist. oh yeah?
michelle obama is classy. and i know someone who knows someone who met her yesterday. I'M JUST SAYIN.
related - it's possible our president is the cutest president in history.
it's iced coffee weather. hellz yeah it is.
advice for young feminists looking for jobs - or for young d0-gooders, i think.
worth noting that i've seen a lot of inspirational catholic vote videos, but i didn't see this one coming.
subways, worldwide, drawn to scale - this is FANTASTIC. worth a click. i don't know why i find it so awesome, but i do.

but, most importantly - the little mermaid came out 20 years ago. is it a coincidence that i just made a little mermaid reference this week? or do i just love it that much? right. and try this quotation, guys, it's often useful - "isn't it obvious, daddy? ariel's in loooove."

on a bad day.

yeah, so i had kind of a frustrating day today.

i say this because i hear my blog seems like i'm always having a good day. and, i mean, i kind of am. but it was just one of those days in which i spilled my water bottle all over my bed, and everyone's in a may teacher mood [it's like senioritis, only worse, because you're all, "why must students YELL ALL THE TIME! STOP YELLING!" and such], and i left school late, and was tired, and then the wait was really long at the burrito place, and my heel hurts from running [once again], and blah.

anyway, to start, here's one of the best things that happened:
as i was approaching the coffee grinding machine, my ipod headphones [excuse me, "earbuds"] got caught on my trader joe's shopping basket. and i thought, OH NOES! i'm an urban stereotype! hehe.

so i smiled for a minute. and the checkout guy was cute, and bearded.
b: [with overflowing shopping basket] heyyy, so i just stopped by to get the absolute essentials.
cg: yeah, and you definitely need... persian cucumbers.
b: yeah, are they good? do they taste like cucumbers?
cg: yes. the reason they're called "persian" is that they're from the fertile crescent, which is where most food originated.
b: [checks label] ahhh. they're actually from mexico. i feel like i've learned a lot in this conversation...
cg: hey, never stop learning.
b: i know! i'm a teacher. [usually a good lead-in, with people who have a potential of liking me later.]
cg: oh yeah? where do you teach? [i told him.] oh, my boyfriend lives in that neighborhood!
and on to a conversation about how cute his boyfriend is, even though he is the executive director of a dance company but NOT a dancer himself. sigh. dear cute bearded trader joe's checkout guys, please stop being gay, especially when you're kind of cute and my day already kind of sucks. thanks. [no, it's okay. you can be gay. i like it.]

please note that, above, i had already typed "trader joe's carrying thingy WHAT IS THAT THING CALLED when you know you'll get too much stuff if you get a cart and you won't be able to carry it home" when i remembered. shopping basket. okay, frb. too tired to blog.

and that brings me to the LAST BAD THING that happened tonight. i was carrying a bag of groceries, a thingy of toilet paper, my huge purse [obvi], and this takeout from the burrito place. ["essentials only," my ass. i always do this.] the problem, i think, was the burrito - i'd gotten a burrito DINNER, which comes in one of those styrofoam meal things. i already hate styrofoam, right? and those meal things are so annoying, because the refried beans get everywhere when you try to carry them in a plastic bag, because the styrofoam container won't stay horizontal. YOU KNOW?! grrr.

anyway, getting to the point, i dropped the little containers of salsa while i was trying to balance everything. and one BROKE OPEN. and it got all over the sidewalk. and then i had to clean it up, because i always complain when people leave things like that on the sidewalk. because, like, who else is going to clean it up? NO ONE, except the person who DROPPED it. so i picked it up, and it got all over my bag. then i couldn't put my bag on my shoulder, because it would have stained my new cute shirt. and i had to try several contortions to get everything in my hands again and get home. blarrrghhh.

i told this story to my roommate pretty much verbatim, and because she is awesome, she said, "awww. you really DID have a bad day."

:)

this is one of these moments where my grandma would remind me that i have my health. and i do. and everything's really wonderful - but i just wanted to blogvent. thanks, friends.

"everything is amazing right now, and nobody's happy."

has everyone seen this video, of comedian louis ck on conan? i found it here, but obviously it's a copyright infringement and nbc has already taken it off youtube.

[update: here? although i don't like it so much when it's called "people in today's society take things for granted."]

also, is everyone still WATCHING GREY'S?! [again, the link has sound] because it is AWESOME.

i was in cvs today, doing my usual thing where i talk to the cashier about how i don't know how to use the credit card machine. whatever. and she goes, "you know what's the worst? the guys who are on public aid who play dumb. i'm like, i THINK they taught you how to use the cards when you GOT them." then she scoffed. and i was like, WHAT?!!?!???! on the inside, though.

i wish i reacted better to this stuff, especially since i feel like this happens to me a lot. like, i've become insta-acquaintances with this stranger just this minute, and all of a sudden, she's like, "i hate poor people!" and i'm like, oh no! now what?

i was sharing a similar story with a friend, and she passed on some advice from her dad. he said that whenever someone says something he disagrees with [on belief, i guess], he doesn't feel like he has to defend his belief. he just gives a weekly reader report. i don't quite remember this about weekly reader [although i remember weekly reader, oh yes i do], but apparently it's all stories about people that just give a little bit of information along with the story. so what i should have said was, "oh, i knew a guy on public aid once, and he was very competent at the use of his card!" and then, after my weekly reader personal story about the topic, what is she going to say? "no, you didn't, and you're a liar"? and i can be satisfied that i've said something, at least.

or, i guess i could have said, "well, i can't use it either!" or i could have punched her. i mean, come on. it must be humiliating enough to be on public aid without having to decipher an already incomprehensible credit card machine.

randy pausch also says, "don't tell people what to do. just tell them stories." and they'll know what you mean, and remember better than if you'd lectured them. not coincidentally, the video of randy pausch's last lecture is definitely my students' favorite thing that i show them - and i show them a lot of stuff. highly recomended.

pip and maria both ran marathons today - SO AWESOME and i'm so proud of them. links are to their race reports, so get excited and read them. and since we're talking about good deeds, i'd like to point out that pip made her goal with the help of a stranger who saw her running along, asked what pace she needed, and said "i'll get you there. come on." talk about a good deed, right? and of course my former teammate had it in her. i knew from experience - holla for team sports.

in which FRB reads articles about religion to see if she likes them.

yes, again, stressing myself out on purpose while practicing my rhetorical skills.

in the case of miss california, gay marriage, and "opposite marriage," a sojo piece about culture wars. good call on re-framing the issue - i mean, we're talking people, not issues. and maybe i'm swayed by a reasonable-sounding article that actually mentions the way culture wars hurt actual people. i'm always a little suspicious about "tolerance doesn't mean condoning" line, because i think it's not very nice, when you come down to it - but, again, this article is a relatively calm spot in a mean debate.

here's a kind of bizarre article about mel gibson [with his "ultra-othodox catholicism"] getting a divorce. here's my rundown.
- mel gibson is getting a divorce, and is crazy. he's been seen with one of several women named oksana. [apparently not oksana baiul, although THAT would be a twist.]
- mel gibson has religious views that are not those of the catholic church. and i appreciate the author's treatment of this. but. then don't call him orthodox. you're actually saying he's un-orthodox. and don't call people who don't like vatican II "traditional." [also, apparently he called JPII an ass. really? an ass? i mean, of all people.]
- now, about annulment. "Most Catholics find the procedure demeaning and hypocritical." grrrrr. really? or do you think it's demeaning and hypocritical? then, more about how people getting annulments feel. and how women feel.
- even mel gibson shouldn't have to get an annulment! so the catholic church should change its beliefs. [honestly, i didn't see this coming.]

grrrrrrrrr. this bothers me for two reasons. first, it doesn't acknowledge that sometimes people seek annulments because they really feel that their marriage "didn't take." and second, it doesn't acknowledge that some people actually choose to care or not care what what it means to have a sacramental marriage. i mean, it's more complicated than that, for sure, and a lot of people have been hurt in the name of church teaching, and we certainly shouldn't just blindly accept what "the church" says and move on. but i'm putting a lot of my life into convincing kids that, even if they disagree, they should look at why these teachings exist and try to see the good behind them.

this article would not receive a good grade in my class.

okay, three reasons it bothers me - i don't appreciate feeling lumped in with "most catholics" like this. i think that's what really makes me mad. you know? i just want to yell, "but I'M not like that! and i'm not really that crazy, either! i'm both catholic and relatively normal! honest."

[i misspelled catholic, and it reminded me of a one-liner my grandma made recently - "our cats were always everywhere. we even used to take them to church. we're cat-licks."]

randoms:
- for anyone else whose mom has been bugging them to check their credit, i'm inclined to trust this site.
- has everyone been listening to foy vance? just making sure. he's rockin.

"welcome to the train fantastique. that's the fantastic train."

cta adventure! that's right.

i got on the brown line friday evening and heard, "this is a brown line train to kimballllllaboard." see how he did that? that's clever. but, for those of you who don't know, the cta drivers don't usually talk. they have a recorded voice that can say pretty much whatever. and usually when they do talk, they sound appropriately bored and distant.

so, of course, the excited-sounding driver made everyone nervous.

at the next stop, he said, "will all the people with chocolate sculptures please come to the front? i enjoy chocolate..." some people behind me were like, is he high? what's he talking about? and i sat quietly, admiring the chocolate sculpture the girl in front of me was holding. [not very observant, my fellow passengers.]

when i got off the train, the driver was leaning out the window [i'm not sure how it works other places, but on the el, the driver looks out the window to make sure everyone's on the train] talking to chocolate sculpture girl, all "why didn't you come up?" and she was all, haha, thanks, whatever. now, the driver was cute. i told him thanks for talking. and he was like, "there were chocolate sculptures!" but then he had to go. he was driving a train.

would you all still be friends with me if i dated a cta driver? and, do you think he'd let me drive the train? i'm just asking.

after the train left, i was walking next to the girl with the chocolate sculpture and asked her about it. while we were talking, i ran into a pole. it was one of those incidents where i wasn't like, "crap, i ran into a pole" - more like, "why am i not walking anymore? and what just hit me?" it's always a little embarrassing, though, especially with a stranger who might think i'm crazy.

FRB, gardener.

my daffodils are blooming! i bought them at trader joe's for $1.69. they were not in water when i bought them, but don't worry - there was a multicolored sign explaining why. [well, not really why. just that the farmer recommended it.] i got a bunch with all the buds closed, so that it would be more exciting. then i cut off the end of the stems and put them in a guinness glass in water. then they bloomed! and that, friends, is the limit of my gardening ability.

wait, that and the fact that i am reading animal, vegetable, miracle without a translator.

also, stumbled on [um, that's a lie, because i clicked on it on purpose] this facebook group on abbreviations, and of course, immediately checked to see about "usj." they're saying "uje" - i don't know, guys.

happy birthday, mr. darwin.

and, in your honor...

On the eve of the 200th anniversary of Charles Darwin's birth, a new Gallup Poll shows that only 39% of Americans say they "believe in the theory of evolution," while a quarter say they do not believe in the theory, and another 36% don't have an opinion either way. These attitudes are strongly related to education and, to an even greater degree, religiosity.

this from a moderately interesting gallup poll. let's talk a little bit about religiosity, gallup. i'd rather see the correlation between "belief" in evolution [this makes at least one of my science teacher friends very angry] and views about the bible. because not everyone who is religious thinks that the bible is factual, GUYS. ask my STUDENTS. they'll tell you.

this brilliant and awesome journalist started a blog today and kicks off with darwin and colbert - recommended and on the blogroll.

and even mcsweeney's shares the love.

in THESE ECONOMIC TIMES, all kinds of things are happening, people are writing about them, and we're making fun of it. irony survives.

this just in - did everyone know that darwin and lincoln were born on the same day?! BOTH on february 12, 1809? remarkable. [literally.]

"in the he said, she said sometimes there's some poetry..."

"I didn't join Facebook, after all, to be anonymous, incurious or left alone." you know how i feel about the article that starts snarky and becomes poignant. yeah. it's something like blogging, too. or twittering. it's like, people are kind of scornful and all, "why would you want to read someone's random thoughts and activites?" but it's kind of beautiful, in the end, to see into people's lives. [i know, i know. sometimes.]

also, this:
b: anything happen while i was gone, except things on the internet?
k: hahaha, SO much on the internet! but not much else.

and also: "When you get out front with the "meta" what's left to say??" [says a commenter.]

today i got a good laugh by saying, "i will now use something a student said to tell a funny, poignant story with a point." do i do that too much?

saw he's just not that into you last night. didn't like it as much as i thought i would. everyone was very cute and mostly very funny. [except jennifer aniston was NOT rachel green. i thought i loved jen. i think i just love rachel.] i appreciated how some women were not that into men, too, and all this advice stuff happened, and some people ended up in relationships and some didn't. but i feel like it wasn't really long enough for all the stories they tried to put into it, and then it wrapped up really fast. so obviously it seemed unrealistic when people fell in and out of love in like thirty seconds.

but here's my real problem - TWO of the previews before the movie were about crazy obsessive women. i was not amused. one is with sandra bullock, and it's one of those "sandra bullock is awkward" movies, i guess? only she, like, follows this guy she's met once all across the country. then he finds out she's some kind of free spirit. i mean, an OBSESSIVE free spirit. and one is called "obsession" and is about this girl who's all going after her boss and then all this weird shit happens and it gets super, super scary.

"and knowing is half the battle."

via today's the stranger slog:



things i love about this:
1. the notorious abandoned refrigerator. these must have been everywhere in the 80s. remember when cherie on punky brewster almost died in one of these, too?
2. the huge stache on GI joe. nice.
3. of course, the fact that knowing is half the battle.

300th post! wooooosh.

and, now i'm mad - you can't just take away apostrophes, guys!
also, a potato bug will follow you home unless you buy me this tote bag.

snow day! or not.

thanks to kris for this one:
Obama: Snowy Washington Needs 'Chicago Toughness'

and for this opinion:
Some People in Washington Need to 'Lighten Up'

i mean, read the part where CPS stays open because their kids don't have childcare. yeah. about that, ms. private school principal who would rather have kids playing outside. and that's a weird opinion anyway - i mean, who wants to be published saying that their students will be happy to have a snow day and they don't want to make them come to school? [is that what you all got out of it?] aren't you in the business of education? because i know, of course, how much teachers love snow days - but i think we're supposed to pretend to hate them.

i did have one of my first "wow, i'm a real teacher NOW" moments when i got so mad that a snow day was putting us behind...

and also, i'd pull my [hypothetical] kids from school if their principal made fun of me in the washington post. clearly not the way to handle your students' parents. whether or not one of them is the president of the united states.

"the pamchenko? no way. it's too dangerous!"

someone recently asked me how often i blog. well. the answer, apparently, is that it depends on the week. so, some thoughts while i sit on the couch, watching the cutting edge. interspersed with thoughts about the movie.

first of all, how creepy is the dad in this movie? "excuse me, honey, while i pressure you and demean you and take charge of your entire life." and how blatant is the sexual innuendo? and how much of it totally passed me by when i first saw this at age ten?

TWO of my former congressmen are now working for obama. clearly, he loves me. big week big week - and i had one of those nostalgic experiences watching the inauguration on a fuzzy tv in the campus ministry office, then running down to class to listen to the rest of it on the radio. [remember the radio?] then we did this lesson from teaching tolerance about inaugural prayer. [click through for a pdf of inaugural pray-ers in history, too.]

i love that part of the movie on new year's eve when they're about to kiss, and you know it because there are SPARKLERS in between their faces. hahahahahahaha. i also love when they kiss at the end of their routine at the end. why don't we see more of that at the olympics?!

my favorite sean casey is retiring! to work for the MLB network! whoa.

no doubt, my favorite part of this movie is the part where she takes the tequila shots. i think of this literally [yes, LITERALLY] every time i take tequila shots. mostly because the first time i saw it i was like, what the hell is she doing? and why is she wearing sunglasses the next day?

a quick search reveals that i blog about misuse of the word literally all the time. seriously. [if anyone's counting, i use "seriously" much more than "literally." what, you don't spend as much time searching my blog as i do? silly.]

new under "things i like" - passive-agressive notes and the flickr page on pointless road signs. this one is definitely my favorite.

toepick!

yes, yes, i know.

to tide you all over until i'm together enough to post more creatively, google's life photo archive. this is very, very, very cool.

hope?

courtesy of smiller, life imitates art in the parallels between the current campaign and seasons 6 and 7 of the west wing. but, i mean, vinick was originally supposed to win until john spenser died and we were all so sad [or not - apparently this is one of those "the characters choose their own destiny" kind of things that margaret hates, according to the west wing writers. scroll up from the link].

rationality, appropriate vocabulary.

at trader joe's after school, talking to the trader joe's guy...

b: oh, don't let me ruin your thing. just chillin.
tjg: no, no problem.
b: i'm sorry, i teach high school. sometimes i say things like "chillin."
tjg: oh, i understand. i used to be a teacher.

i think i was trying to say, "don't let me disturb the lettuce display you're working on. i'm just looking around."

okay, as you may know, i try to teach my class without a political slant. it's really important to me. but here are some things obama mentioned in his special tonight that i definitely teach in my class:
1. the dignity of work.
2. taking a longer view.
3. moral obligations.
4. being our brothers' and sisters' keepers.

i mean, maybe i cried a little. seriously, HOW CAN YOU NOT VOTE FOR THIS MAN.

oh, irony. it's everywhere. right?

"that's okay. i was really just being ironic. or was i? no, i was."

anyone feel all demographicked? yup.

the mcsweeney's header is "timothy mcsweeney is a mystery wrapped in a riddle wrapped in bacon." yesss.

and speaking of things i like: “It makes people feel good, it increases their arousal and alertness, and makes them more friendly and sociable and talkative,” says Laura Juliano, an American University psychology professor, coffee researcher, and substance-dependence expert.

anyone got a pen?

oh, i do! i have seven red pens in my purse, one purple pen, and three black pens. also, for some reason, a glue stick.

[update: was finally going to join the parish i've been attending at mass tonight. didn't have a pen, because i took them out of my purse to count them for my blog. seriously, metaphor for life?]

"it's like college, with guns!"

"tell your friends about it! you were in the belly of the beast! where the man lives!"
- my brother, on our reactions to visiting him on the army base.

we did spend a lot of our time being like, huh. so this is the army. interesting.

there's a sign there that says "no hat, no salute." it took me a while, but apparently when you're in that particular covered walkway, you don't need to wear a hat, nor do you need to salute. it's not, like, you can't salute if you don't have a hat.

i recently discovered that you can take contact solution on the plane. like, a big bottle of it. did everyone know this? it's totally changing my life. and it bears on the rest of this story.

i got to the airport really early this morning, and i went up to the southwest counter and was like, "hey, would it be helpful if i got on an earlier flight? like, does someone need to be on my flight?" and i was about to tell them about all the grading i have to do, and how i could do it there or at home, and the lady goes, "um, you were supposed to fly out yesterday?" and i was like, oh. so, never mind that.

please ONLY fly southwest from now on, guys. they didn't charge me for missing my flight and having to get on another one. and i still got home earlier than i was supposed to.

but then, going through security:
b: [holding bottle] this is contact solution. is that going to be okay?
security guy: [all flirty] well, seeing that it's you, i guess it's okay this time...
b: aww, thanks!

wait a second. did i just flirt my way past the TSA? i don't think i'm okay with that.

[i'm not trying to be all, "ohhh, i'm super hot. even the TSA can't resist me." but really, it was weird.]

--

and, some things i've been saving up for you all.

"chivalry is merely mortally wounded."
- guy on plane, helping with bags.

"they have the best salad in the fucking WORLD."
- southwest guy, at potbelly.

thoughts on this last one:
1. well, he should know.
2. best salad in the FUCKING world? or the non-fucking world? i'm just asking.