Thursday, February 28, 2008

this post is slightly risque.

so lots of weird things happened today. i can't remember most of them, but i remember thinking about how weird today was.

first of all, i love that it's light out in the mornings again - it's making my adventures so much more exciting and less scary. so this morning at the bus stop, a crazy-haired man came up and asked me for a cigarette. [i didn't have one, which reminds me of the time my brother and his friends were thirteen and did a scientific study about who will give you cigarettes. apparently everyone in their experiment said either "sure, here you go" or "no, i don't smoke." no one said "i don't happen to have cigarettes with me at this time," "i have cigarettes but won't share," or, for that matter, "you are thirteen and should not be asking strangers for cigarettes."] anyway, he came back and we had a nice little conversation.

chm: i'm jesus christ. and fuck [the church down the street].
b: oh, yeah?
chm: those fuckers - they [mumble] for three months, and it cost me five hundred dollars.
b: shoot, i'm sorry.
chm: they don't care about anybody. all the money [mumble].
b: oh. shoot.
chm: those fucking jagoffs, they're all hypocrites. fuck the catholic church. they're all fuckers.
b: [momentary pause, blank stare]

okay, and at this point he actually grinned at me [i mean, he had been pretty mad before] and said, "well, not all of them. but MOST of them." and then he laughed, turned around, and walked away.

point to consider: he really did have these beautiful blue eyes. beautiful eyes, for a man with crazy hair and a crazy beard and a definite homeless vibe. so what i'm saying is, maybe he was jesus after all - and, if so, i'm glad he doesn't think we're all fuckers.


Sunday, February 24, 2008

and all i have to say is...

favorite things about the oscars:
1. the girl from once getting to come back and give her acceptance speech. and it was all inspirational, too! but really - who wasn't sitting there being like, wow, that sucks to get cut off the only time you ever get to win an oscar.
2. all the shots of laura linney and her sympathetic face. she has a great face.
3. harrison ford. mmm.
4. the fact that juno got to win something. i kind of love diablo cody, too. and her family for loving her the way she is.

and, i mean, the flashbacks. i'd like to thank the academy for trying so hard to make me cry.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

youtube + the 80s.

SO FREAKING AWESOME. i swear i remember this entire thing. the orange crayon! and all the crayons go through the chute! thousands of crayons!

okay, but who else thought they remembered it being on mr. rogers? apparently that was false.

hours of entertainment potential here, but for now, but ones i remember well and highly recommend:
put down the duckie, with 1988 celebrity guests. my dad loves this one.
james taylor singing jelly man kelly with long hair, a stache, and random children. he's still just as good live, guys.
ernie convincing bert to talk on a bananaphone. pretty classic moment for them.
the synonym song in the art museum. anyone else remember this one? when the paintings and statues come to life? it's kind of creepy.
we are brothers. awwww. i still get this song in my head sometimes. [should i admit that on the internet?] i think that one or the other of my brothers was a baby the whole time i was watching sesame street, so i'm sure i was fascinated.
and, maybe my favorite - grover as the dancing waiter. i really remember being a little kid and getting frustrated because clearly this wasn't going to end well, which i'm sure is the point. i love the guy getting mad that grover is always the waiter at every restaurant he goes to, i love all the stuff grover keeps yelling to the chef, and i love that i just now understood the words of the song for the first time. i also remember that my dad always thought that this was really funny.

anyway, ever wonder how much this stuff affected us? i mean, i remember it so clearly...

"i know a good thing when i see it..."

had some of my favorites visiting this weekend and remembered, again, how many amazingly good things happen when they're around. like getting a table for six at orange in about five minutes on a saturday morning.

a girl at the next table leaned over and said, "hey, i saw your storypeople - is there a store that sells them here in chicago?" [it's in lincoln square, by garcia's - so go there after you get a $3 tostada.] i love making friends based on things i like. and i love being part of a nice table and talking to the waitress about what we're celebrating and generally feeling like i'm surrounded by people who are good in all the right ways. [except that we lied and said that our party was all present. and we stole someone else's table by accident. but that wasn't OUR fault.]

went to a young alumni mass today, and it was lovely - but i hate when the main topic of the homily is what we miss about college. especially when we're talking about liturgy, although i guess we want mass to be done well all the time. the priest did tie it into the transfiguration with the whole "coming down from the mountain" thing, and he pointed out that the mission of our university is to send us out.

i just - well, i think it alienates people to talk about how perfect college was if they didn't like it. and, even more than that, i love my life now. i miss college, and i miss my friends, and i miss knowing people wherever i go, and i miss class, and i miss sweatpants, but i really don't want to go back there. [this might be because grad school wasn't quite as thrilling.]

anyone else notice that i'm really into blogging lately?

also, you're all going to need to step it up on the comments when planicka goes to hang out with the lemurs. i'm just saying.

i know a good thing when i see it
it's a bad thing to let go
- patty larkin

Saturday, February 09, 2008

if you can't say something nice...

okay, this is not okay.

people are going to vote for this man to represent our country? really? is this really who we are?

[this is where to look for the really scary anti-feminist stuff, i think. i'm not usually a fan of a) italics or b) articles that only make me mad, but if you're interested... and if you're diving in this far, you might also muster some outrage for the way she talks about the young generation... and here's a tidy little feminist primary endorsement round-up. i'm not really well-read enough to be "fair and balanced" and i realize that, but see what you think.]

here's the thing - YOU CAN'T ALLOW TALK LIKE THAT AND BE A LEADER. i'm not being oversensitive about this one. and, you know, i'm proud to be the crazy feminist about some things, because someone has to be - but honestly. you can't respond to a slur against half your country's population with "excellent question." in the video, he seems to be more unprepared than anything, and i'm sure he wasn't trying to be malicious - but the feminist bloggers are right. where's the outrage?

bah. remember in 2004, when mccain seemed so normal? i was going to write something about how a lot of women are voting for mccain, but then i guess a woman asked the question, too. bah.

Friday, February 08, 2008

sick day, continued.

so the tv just said "if you love facebook so much..." and i jumped a little. because i was on facebook, right then. oops. [the commercial was trying to sell me an iphone, which obviously i already want. steve jobs knows me so well.]

i also realized i forgot to report the most blogworthy part of being sick. my doctor asked me what i teach, and here's what happened. [i swear, i wasn't over-sharing again. it's completely relevant that i'm a teacher because i'm exposed to lots of germs, okay?]

d: so, what do you teach?
b: religion.
d: what's that like?
b: um... well, it's a catholic school, so it's catholic religion... i teach ethics, so what's right and wrong...
d: okay, i was just asking, because i've never heard of that kind of religion class before. when i was in medical school, our religion class was called scientific atheism, and we learned why this religion is wrong, why that religion is wrong... [shakes head] i don't know why we needed that.
b: me neither! i think they both go together... i mean, i wouldn't come in here and tell you that God told me i have a sinus infection... [hey, i was sick and off my game, okay?]

note that, as much as my life is an open book to all of you and to various strangers i meet on the street, i don't usually tell people i teach religion. and why? because weird shit always happens. i think the best response i ever got, when i told someone at the bar that i work at a church, was something like, "church, eh? i went to church once..." and he just went on from there.


sick days are not that fun when you're actually sick.

notable episodes of TV i've watched today:
1. without a trace, with the girl who played sam's friend the hooker on the west wing. i like her. i wish she could have stayed on the show - but then, i also wish sam could have stayed on the show.
2. an episode of law and order with the actress who played leo's wife on the west wing. coincidental, right? law and order isn't my favorite crime show, but at least i haven't seen all of them. didn't finish the episode, though. kind of boring.
3. the OC where they all have a lot of relationship drama and then all end up together at the end. oh wait...
4. the seinfeld where he's dating the girl who's always naked. "naked coughing, man... it's a turnoff." it's also the one where kramer gets the garbage disposal in his shower. what a great episode. i haven't watched seinfeld much since high school, but this one's definitely a keeper.
5. about five seconds of the seinfeld where they're waiting for the table at the chinese restaurant. i HATE that episode. it's as bad as waiting for a table yourself.

something's bugging me about the difference between theology and pastoral practice. hang on. i'll get to it.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

happy ash wednesday? late?

so remember that post in which i bragged about how i always carry an umbrella? right. left my umbrella on the train yesterday.

possible lenten resolutions to be gained from this:
1. be more humble.
2. stop swearing in public.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008


one of my co-workers told me that we're getting thundersnow tonight. he lies a lot, so i summoned all my powers of skepticism. but it turns out that thundersnow is a real thing, at least according to wikipedia.

so there's something to be excited about. thundersnow!

"wikipedia is the best thing ever. anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information!"

the actual best thing ever is the fact that the office is on tbs. right now.

Monday, February 04, 2008


greeeat adventures today.

first of all, chicago is one big puddle. it's been raining on and off, so isn't it nice that i carry the biggest purse ever and was well-prepared with my umbrella? i was so inspired by all the buskindness i've seen lately that i shared my umbrella with a stranger. [i recommend doing good deeds, guys. i felt pretty awesome all day because of it, which just goes to show you that all good deeds are selfish.] while we were waiting, we did a little unscientific study about which drivers would notice the huuuuge puddle at the corner and slow down to avoid splashing us. most of them did! nice job, chicago drivers.

postal customer: [holding her letters out of reach] please don't touch these. you're wearing latex gloves. i'm allergic.
post office employee: [looks at hands sadly] see, the only reason i have to wear these is that i'm bleeding. actively bleeding.
pc: could you take them off if i give you a credit card?
poe: [forlornly] guess i'll have to.

i mean, what? not sure how they resolved that one.

meanwhile, MY post office guy was trying to convince me to start an internet knitting business. we had a nice talk about how i could charge exhorbitant prices for handmade designer hats, but the business might take over my life. now, if anyone's an expert in internet mail-order business, it's the post office, right? so today might have changed my life. just letting you all know.

on the internet today, food for thought from nicholas kristof.
A recent CBS News poll found that the single issue that white evangelicals most believed they should be involved in was fighting poverty. The traditional issue of abortion was a distant second, and genocide was third.
things i'm interested in, here:
1. which groups of people we can "fashionably" mock. i mean, really. if we're going to be catholic [read: universal], we have to recognize different forms of religious expression. no, i will no go with you to your friendly neighborhood latin mass. no, i will not allow you to spread hate about my friends. but if that's the way you want to pray, i'm not going to spread hate about YOU just for that. we're backsliding if we're being progressive by hating everyone who doesn't agree with us, guys.
2. jim wallis. his stuff is on the wall in my classroom. hot. i mean, if you ever read this blog you know i'm interested in what's happening in the religious left.
3. condoms and AIDS and catholic relief workers in africa. the fact that religous workers are doing good things in africa doesn't mean that they're doing all the right things, i guess. also worth noting, maybe, that they're trying to do something good. i'm also pretty sure that many of them are handing out condoms, regardless of the nuances of theological thought on the topic.

now, excuse me while i plan a lesson for ash wednesday. [and, a sign of cultural catholicism that i like, overheard at the bar the other night - "ash wednesday's this week? oh, shit."]

Friday, February 01, 2008


yes, i've blogged about this before, and why? BECAUSE IT IS THE GREATEST COMMERCIAL EVER. all kinds of people. they love each other. it's perfection.

i know, a lot of posts today. but you know what? it was a snow day. and you know what else? shut up and watch the sheraton commercial again and then try and spread your hate. see? you can't.


okay, i hate the commercial for the movie atonement that uses "apologize" by timbaland. [i totally needed help to figure out what the hell that song's called. it's too late to... what now?] anyway, it's stupid to use that song, and it's stupid to say that atonement "speaks to a whole new generation" when the book was published in 2003. right? are you saying it's a whole new generation than the people, you know, who are fictional characters in the movie?

a shirt that i used to own was just on what not to wear. in the BEFORE part. in the 360 degree mirror. i don't think this is a good thing.


best conversation of the day, on the phone at 6:20 this morning.
b: hey, it's b.

snow day! snow day! snow day!

roommate and i have been watching a LOT of tv. i woke up during oprah. learned that, in order to catch a man, i need to learn how to listen. then we watched the view, which is still a terrible, terrible show. [although we were both a little too excited that ariel from the little mermaid musical was there. we totally didn't sing along, though. we would never do that.]

now we're watching what not to wear. best show ever. i mean, first this girl insisted that her hideous clothes actually looked good. [they always try to do that, even though obviously they've seen the show and know they're going to lose.] then she cried because she thought she looked so weird in clothes other than her hideous ones. and THEN she cried AGAIN because she felt like stacy and clinton had really changed her life... like she was dressing the part of this confident woman who was inside her all along... [cue the music, right?] i love it. i don't know how they do this so convincingly every single time.

i've also re-read every blog and every site i've ever bookmarked. they're the same.

in other news, i think "right?!" has replaced "seriously" [which, you may remember, replaced "i meannnn"] in the list of words i use too much.